Example 5 of 6 · Persuasive writing

Persuasive writing example: Save Our Library

An annotated 11+ persuasive speech to stop a library closing, with notes on the hook, rhetorical questions, the counter-argument and a strong final line.

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The task

Your local council plans to close the town library to save money. Write a speech to give at a council meeting persuading them to keep it open.

Give at least three clear reasons.
Think about what people who disagree might say, and answer them.

Type of task: Persuasive writing
Suggested time: 35 minutes
Length of this example: About 390 words
Notes: 11 things that earn marks

An example written by Academy11+. It shows what a strong Year 5 or Year 6 writer can produce in about 35minutes. It isn't a real child's work or a real exam paper, and it isn't marked against any one school's mark scheme: the notes explain what markers generally look for.

An example written by Academy11+

Save Our Library

About 390 words. Numbers link to the notes.

Imagine a place1 where you can travel to ancient Egypt, outer space and the bottom of the ocean, all in one afternoon, without spending a single penny. That place exists.2 It is Fernwood Library, and the council wants to close it. I am here today to tell you why that would be a terrible mistake.

Firstly,3 the library is not just a building full of books; it is the beating heart of our community4. On Monday mornings, it is packed with toddlers singing at Rhyme Time. On Wednesday afternoons, older people who live alone come to the coffee morning, and for some of them it is the only conversation they have all week. Where will they go if the doors are locked?5

Secondly, books are expensive. A new hardback can cost more than ten pounds, and not every family can afford that. At the library, every child can borrow books completely free. My little cousin taught herself all about dinosaurs6 from library books before she had even started school. Shouldn't every child have that chance?

Some people say that libraries are old-fashioned7 because everyone has the internet now. However, this simply is not true. Not every home has a computer, and many people come to the library to apply for jobs, print their homework or video-call family overseas. Besides, a screen can never replace the thrill of finding an amazing book on a shelf when you weren't even looking for it.

Furthermore, closing the library might save money now, but it could cost us far more in the future. Children who love reading often find learning easier at school. A library helps to build readers, and readers grow up to become doctors, engineers, teachers and perhaps even councillors!8

I understand that the council has difficult choices to make.9 But there must be other ways to save money. The library could open for fewer hours, or local businesses could sponsor it. We, the people of Fernwood, are ready to help: more than five hundred of us have already signed a petition.

So I am asking you, please, to think again. Don't take away the toddlers' songs, the coffee mornings and the quiet corner10 where a child first falls in love with reading. Once our library is gone, it will be gone forever. Save Fernwood Library – before the final chapter is written11.

What earns marks

Each number matches a highlighted phrase in the piece.

1
Opening
“Imagine a place”
Opening with "Imagine" speaks directly to the audience and makes them picture what they'd lose before the argument has even started.
2
Sentence variety
“That place exists.”
A three-word sentence after a long one hits hard. The first paragraph ends by stating the speaker's point of view clearly.
3
Structure
“Firstly,”
Linking words (Firstly, Secondly, However, Furthermore) guide the listener through the argument, one reason per paragraph.
4
Vocabulary
“the beating heart of our community”
A metaphor that makes the library sound alive and important. The semicolon before it balances the two halves of the sentence.
5
Voice and audience
“Where will they go if the doors are locked?”
A rhetorical question: the audience isn't meant to answer out loud, but they can't help thinking about it.
6
Voice and audience
“My little cousin taught herself all about dinosaurs”
A personal example turns a general point into a real person. Evidence, whether a fact or an anecdote, makes an argument more convincing.
7
Structure
“Some people say that libraries are old-fashioned”
The counter-argument: the speech admits what the other side thinks and then answers it. This shows a mature, balanced argument and is something markers look for.
8
Voice and audience
“and perhaps even councillors!”
A touch of humour aimed right at the audience (the councillors). Knowing who you are persuading is half the job.
9
Voice and audience
“I understand that the council has difficult choices to make.”
Staying polite and offering solutions makes the speaker sound reasonable, which is more persuasive than simply being angry.
10
Punctuation
“the toddlers' songs, the coffee mornings and the quiet corner”
A list of three that brings back points from earlier in the speech. Note the apostrophe after the s in "toddlers'" for more than one toddler.
11
Ending
“before the final chapter is written”
A memorable last line with a play on words about books, and a clear call to action: "Save Fernwood Library".

What would make it even better

Even a strong piece can be improved. These are the next steps a marker might suggest.

A precise number would make a point harder to argue with: for example, how many children went to the library's summer reading challenge.
"Firstly… Secondly… Furthermore…" is clear but a little predictable. "Just as importantly," or "What is more," would add variety.
Paragraph 5 makes a big claim about the future. One example to back it up would make it stronger.

Your turn

Write a speech persuading your headteacher that every class should have one lesson a week outdoors.

Give yourself 35 minutes, including a few minutes to plan and a few to check.

Plan three reasons and one counter-argument before you start.
Use at least one rhetorical question and one list of three.
End with a clear call to action.

Get feedback on your child's story

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Questions about this kind of task

What persuasive techniques should my child use in the 11+?

The most useful are a hook that speaks to the audience, clear reasons in separate paragraphs, evidence or examples, rhetorical questions, lists of three, emotive language, a counter-argument with a reply, and a strong call to action at the end. Using a few of them well is better than squeezing in all of them.

Is a persuasive speech different from a persuasive letter or article?

The techniques are the same, but the layout and voice change. A speech talks directly to listeners ("I am here today…"), a letter needs a greeting and sign-off, and an article usually has a headline and speaks to readers more generally.