Readers care about stories because they care about the characters. If the main character feels real, the reader worries when they're in danger and cheers when they succeed.
In a short 11+ story there's no room for a long description of every character. The trick is to choose a few telling details and let the character's actions and words do the rest.
Why it matters in the 11+
Well-drawn characters make the reader engaged, which is often one of the first things a marker considers. They also give the plot a reason to happen: the character wants something, and the story is about whether they get it.
Describing characters through actions and speech rather than lists of looks is a clear sign of maturity in writing.
How to do it, step by step
Keep the cast small
One main character and one or two others is plenty for a 30 to 50 minute story. Too many names confuse the reader.
Choose a fitting name
A name can hint at age and personality. Avoid using your friends' or classmates' names, and avoid celebrity names.
Give one telling detail
Rather than hair colour and height, pick one detail that says something about them: chewed pencils, a coat two sizes too big, a whistle they never take off.
Decide what they want and fear
A character who wants something (to win, to find, to escape, to be believed) drives the story. A fear gives them something to overcome.
Show them through speech and action
How they talk and what they do in a difficult moment tells the reader who they are.
Let them change
By the end, the character should have learnt something or grown a little: braver, kinder, more honest.
Before and after examples
Each example starts with a plain sentence, then shows how the technique improves it.
Before
Nana was old with grey hair and glasses. She was kind.
After
Nana kept her glasses on a chain and a toffee in every pocket, just in case someone needed cheering up.
Why it works: The toffees show her kindness; we don't need the word "kind".
Before
Kai liked football.
After
Kai had practised his penalty kick against the garage door every evening for a year. On Saturday, the trials would finally prove whether it had been worth it.
Why it works: Now we know what Kai wants, and the reader wants it for him too.
Before
Ms Fenwick was a strict teacher.
After
"I don't need to raise my voice," said Ms Fenwick, in a voice so quiet the whole class leant forward to hear it.
Why it works: Her words and the class's reaction show her authority.
Before
In the end, Ellie wasn't shy any more.
After
When the teacher asked for a volunteer, Ellie's hand was up before she'd had time to think about it.
Why it works: An action at the end proves the change.
Common mistakes and how to fix them
Mistake: A "police report" description: height, hair, eyes, clothes, age.
Fix: Pick one or two telling details and move on.
Mistake: Too many characters with names.
Fix: Keep to two or three; background people don't need names.
Mistake: A perfect hero with no worries.
Fix: Give them a fear or a flaw, so there's something to overcome.
Mistake: Someone else solves the main character's problem.
Fix: Let the main character make the decision that fixes things.
Try it
About 10 minutesInvent a character who is about to do something they are nervous about. Write a short paragraph introducing them.
- Give them a name and one telling detail.
- Show what they want and what they fear.
- Include one line of dialogue.
- Don't use any of these words: nice, kind, nervous, shy, brave.
Finished? Read it aloud: if a sentence sounds flat, try it again. When you're ready to write a whole story, pick a title from the free story prompts.