"Show, don't tell" is the piece of writing advice children hear most, and it's the one that makes the biggest difference to a story. Telling is when the writer simply states a fact: "Mia was nervous." Showing is when the writer gives clues, and the reader works out the feeling for themselves: "Mia picked at the edge of her sleeve until a thread came loose."
Readers enjoy working things out. When they spot the clues, they feel as if they are inside the story rather than being told about it. That is why showing makes writing feel more grown-up and more alive.
Why it matters in the 11+
In many 11+ writing tasks, the marker is looking for writing that engages the reader, not just a list of events. Showing is one of the quickest ways to prove you can do that, because it turns an ordinary sentence into one with detail, imagery and interesting vocabulary all at once.
It also helps with the time limit. One well-shown moment is worth more than three paragraphs of telling, so children who show well can write less and still impress.
How to do it, step by step
Spot the telling word
Look for words that name a feeling or a quality: scared, happy, angry, cold, old, kind. These are the places where you can show instead.
Ask "How would I know?"
If you walked into the room, how would you know the character was scared? What would their hands, face, voice and body be doing? What would they say, or not say?
Pick one or two clues
Choose the strongest one or two details. You don't need ten. "Her knees wobbled and she gripped the banister" is plenty.
Delete the telling word
Once the clues are there, take out "scared". Trust the reader to understand.
Save it for the moments that matter
You can't show everything or the story will crawl. Show the important feelings and moments; tell the quick, boring bits ("After lunch, they set off").
Before and after examples
Each example starts with a plain sentence, then shows how the technique improves it.
Before
Sam was scared of the dark cellar.
After
Sam stopped on the top step. He pressed the light switch three times, even though he knew the bulb had gone, and listened to his own breathing.
Why it works: Pressing the switch again and again shows he is putting off going down. We never need the word "scared".
Before
Priya was really excited about the trip.
After
Priya had been dressed since six o'clock. She checked her rucksack for the fourth time, then sat by the front window, bouncing her heel on the carpet.
Why it works: Getting dressed early and checking the bag again are actions any reader recognises as excitement.
Before
Mr Hollis was a grumpy old man.
After
Mr Hollis kept every football that landed in his garden. He lined them up on his windowsill, like trophies, facing the street.
Why it works: One unusual habit tells us more about him than "grumpy" ever could, and it makes the reader curious.
Before
It was a very cold morning.
After
The puddles had frozen into grey glass, and my breath hung in front of me like a little ghost.
Why it works: Two details the reader can see make the cold real. The simile adds a touch of imagery.
Clues you can use to show a feeling
- Hands: fidgeting, clenching, tapping, gripping, trembling
- Face: biting a lip, a forced smile, eyes darting, cheeks burning
- Body: shoulders hunched, stepping back, standing very still
- Voice: a whisper, a crack, talking too fast, saying nothing
- Actions: checking something again, slamming a door, hiding a note
- Thoughts: a question the character asks themselves
Common mistakes and how to fix them
Mistake: Showing and then telling as well: "Her hands shook. She was very nervous."
Fix: Trust your clue. Cut the second sentence.
Mistake: Piling up too many clues so one moment takes a whole page.
Fix: Choose the one or two best details and move the story on.
Mistake: Using the same clue every time (everyone's heart is always pounding).
Fix: Use the toolkit above and vary the body part or action.
Mistake: Trying to show boring moments, like getting on a bus.
Fix: Tell the dull bits quickly and save showing for the important moments.
Try it
About 10 minutesRewrite each of these telling sentences so that it shows instead. Don't use the feeling word at all.
- Leo was angry with his sister.
- The house was old and abandoned.
- Grandma was very happy to see us.
- Ava felt guilty about the broken vase.
Finished? Read it aloud: if a sentence sounds flat, try it again. When you're ready to write a whole story, pick a title from the free story prompts.